zairaa

Where has the time gone? The holidays came and went and the new year is already almost two weeks old. My RL holidays were pretty chill, this year—thank god. The fandom holidays, however... were quite something lol. One thing I do love about the holiday season is that it's also exchange season. I usually try to be reasonable and limit myself to signing up to one because I'm physically incapable to write short fic, at least when it counts.

This year I signed up to the nifexchange and it was a lot of fun. So much fun, in fact, that I wrote a 2nd fic as a treat because it was the perfect opportunity to write something for altie. I LOVE treat writing. All the fun of making somthing for someone else, none of the pressure of actually having to do the thing, devil may come. So I ended up writing 2 Yuletide treats as well, and since I had been working on my sequel to Return of the Cicada for a while already, I actually posted 5 stories in the past few weeks. Holy shit!?

Nirvana in Fire:

The sequel: Like A Dragonfly in Amber (featuring feels, porn and cute little bbs in love as well as Lin Chen being sassy and exasperated)

The ghost fic: Come Back to Haunt Me (featuring angst and feels and soulbonds)

The political AU: The Evidence of Your Survival (featuring childhood sweathearts lawyer!Jingyan and revolutionary!Mei Changsu)

The Disguiser:

The hooker fic: That Missing Piece of Me (featuring Ah Cheng in a qipao)

Ode to Joy:

The het porn: All I Want for Other People's Religious Holidays is You (featuring—as I have on good authority—"viscerally imaginable sex with Wang Kai")

But of course there is no rest for the wicked, and I'm working on the next thing. A long(ish) modern AU for Disguiser, because even if the fandom is tinier than tiny (hi, guys!!), I can't quit them.

( Sunday Six (NSFW) ) — Line, Hooker, Sinker

I’m not done with all the amazing creations the fest produced yet. There is so much lovely stuff! But since reveals will be soon, I wanted to rec my favourite things of so far:

Four seasons of promises (Mei Changsu|Lin Shu/Xiao Jingyan) by

altie

This art. It lives in my heart and holds my soul hostage. If you haven’t looked at it yet, please do. It’s beautiful and heartbreaking and so true to their relationship, following them from being kids to adults. It’s absolutely stunning.

giving up the ghost (Mei Changsu|Lin Shu/Xiao Jingyan) by

ladymerlin

This is the gift I received. It’s truly one of the loveliest identity reveal fics I’ve read, with great characterisation and such a soft, intimate mood. It’s beautiful.

Across Distant Lands (Gen, Mei Changsu|Lin Shu & Xiao Jingyan) by

romantic_drift

Epistolary fic with letters Consort Jing writes post canon. It’s wonderfully true in its voice and leads up to a fix-it that left me screaming.

White Peonies (Lin Chen/Xiao Jingyan) by

asya_ana

This story felt like a beautiful snow globe. Like a hidden gem. It paints such a wonderful picture of a meeting of these two and the limited time they have. It’s quiet and intimate and simply beautiful.

Xiao Jingyan and the Cursed Cousin (Lie Zhanying/Xiao Jingyan) by umichii

The world building in this one was just truly intriguing. It’s like a Chinese Harry Potter, and I fell in love with this version of Jingyan.

Have a look at all the amazing creations in the NiF exchange collection!

(Edited to include authors after reveals.)

I’ve been writing so much omg.

daroh told me the other day my muse was on high-quality cocaine, and that’s exactly how it feels. As a result I have now roughly 23k word in three fics in the posting queue and I can’t wait to finally reveal them. I also have WIPs open in four different gdocs? HALP!?

So while I’m working on these multiple stories, I realised that I’ve been writing a lot in a canon / canon divergence context lately and while it’s fun to fix and add stuff that you would have loved to see in your favourite shows, it’s also somewhat limiting. It's one of the reasons I’ve always really loved to write AUs. I’ve written dozens of them in Merlin fandom. Part of the fun for me is that you have so much more room to just let your story go where it wants to go.

I also felt like I might have the guts and inspiration to write something longer again. How long? No idea. I’m not saying it’s going to be 15k or 30k or 60k. Just something with the potential to stretch its wings and go somewhere.

So, while I'm getting closer to finishing the sequel of Return of the Cicada, I’ve been toying with a few ideas. One of them is a NiF Harry Potter AU, that’s not set at Hogwarts. I got the idea from a prompt in the NiF Exchange but knew it wouldn’t be able to get it done for the fest. So I put in on the backburner, but this week I started writing a little bit:

“Handsome, isn’t he?” a female voice remarked, and Mei Changsu turned around to find Mu Nihuang standing next to him, a twinkle in her eyes. “Too bad he never smiles.”

“Pardon?”

Apparently this was a day for unexpected meetings he really should have foreseen. After all, he had known that Nihuang was teaching at Hogwarts now, but he had not expected her to be at the platform in King's Cross. Mei Changsu raised his eyebrows at the woman who had once been one of his closest friends, and now had no idea who he was.

“You were staring,” she said, amusement evident in her tone as she nodded at a conspicuously empty part of the platform where Xiao Jingyan was standing, talking to his son.

“I just wondered why everyone seems to be avoiding him,” Mei Changsu said with faked casualness, but couldn’t stop himself from frowning when he saw a shadow pass over her face.

“Isn’t that obvious?” she asked. “They’re afraid of him.”

This is the time of secrets. I've been doing quite some bit of writing but most, if not all, has been stuff that I can't talk about (which kills me, but that's how it is.) But since I finished stuff, I also came back to my WIP sequel to Return of the Cicada.

I think I've figured some important shit out in regard to structure, and I'm not sure whether it will work or be weird, but I hope it's not? Because it's not easy writing canon divergence if it doesn't diverge completely off into the distance but keeps running close to canon. I'm not a fan of rehashing canon with minor adjustments because we all know what happened in the show, and I'd much rather concentrate on things we don't already now. Anyway, since I'm mostly delighting in MCS squabbling with Lin Chen right now, that's what you'll get:

Mei Changsu huffed. “You know very well, Nie Feng‘s treatment has kept me busy,“ he said.

“No, it hasn’t.“ Lin Chen rolled his eyes. “It has kept me busy. All you’ve done is be a nuisance and overtax yourself for no good reason.” He flipped his hair over his shoulder before he continued with a challenging look, “Far be it from me to give you relationship advice—” He paused. “Actually, I think you’re in dire need of relationship advice.“

Mei Changsu raised his eyebrows. “From you?“ he asked pointedly.

Lin Chen smiled at him but didn’t take the bait. “I’ve been wondering, for quite some time actually, about your prince‘s marital status,” Lin Chen said. “Don’t you find it fascinating that he has no wife, only one concubine and no offspring?"

Mei Changsu’s heart sank and then started racing.

While I mostly have to concentrate on my NiF exchange fic right now, due to deadlines, I've been plotting and writing some more for the hooker fic. And because I'm a bloody tease, that's what you get:

Leaning back against the pool table, Ah Cheng crosses his arms over his chest and stretches his long legs out in front of him.

“Pretty confident, aren’t you?” he remarks, and hot Da-ge finally turns to glance at him, eyebrows raised. It’s the first close look Ah Cheng gets of him and hot damn, he might even enjoy fucking this one. He smirks up at him, all relaxed and easy charm, and sees that positively sinful mouth curl in amusement.

“I am,” the guy answers drily and then leans down to whisper in Ah Cheng’s ear. “I also just saved your ass.”

Ah Cheng cocks his head. “And now you think it’s yours?”

Progress on my Nirvana in Fire Exchange fic has been slow and steady, but the problem is that I'm way too distracted by ALL THE THINGS I want to write and there are way too many enablers on my twitter feed encouraging said distraction.

So the one I keep coming back to, is this one, because Wang Kai makes it way too easy and who can resist a good hooker fic?

(If you know me at all, you know the answer is: Not. Me.)

It has been a slow night at the end of a slow month, but when the door to the hole-and-corner joint opens Ah Cheng immediately knows that his luck has just turned. The guy is smooth, Ah Cheng will give him that. All easy moves, his clothes casual. But Ah Cheng is no idiot. He might pull off the cool biker look well enough, but that jacket is designer, and the watch is at least a thousand bucks. That guy is loaded; the fact that he’s hot is just bonus.

Smiling to himself, Ah Cheng turns back to the bar and the drink he’s been nursing. He won’t get that one by coming across as too eager. A guy like that is used to being offered all kinds of things. Used to not having to ask and getting what he wants. This one requires some long game. Get him interested. Make him come to you. Ah Cheng decides to ignore him, and lets his gaze travel to the back instead where two burly guys in their forties have been playing pool for the better part of an hour—and quite miserably, from what he has seen.

Ah Cheng licks his lips and knocks on the bar, making sure hot biker guy will notice him, and then orders a beer, nodding towards the pool table before he ducks his head and strolls over to the two men, hands in his pockets and adding a little sway to his hips for good measure.

“Fancy a game, boys?” he asks, a lazy grin on his face.

Spoiler Alert: He does.

It's been a while since I did Sunday Six, and technically it's already Monday, but who cares, right...? I've mostly been writing for my Nirvana in Fire Exchange fic, and that is obviously secret, but I'm also still working on my sequel to Return of the Cicada.

So this is another little snippet of that:

“Jingyan! Jingyan!”

“Still the same dreams, hm?”

Mei Changsu sits up. His blood is pounding in his ears, and tries to calm his breath, but Lin Chen seems unperturbed. He is sitting next to Mei Changsu’s bed, pouring him a cup of tea before giving him an almost withering look. “I wonder if this could be significant. Maybe your subconscious wants to tell you something?”

Instead of an answer Mei Changsu only narrows his eyes at his friend and glares until Lin Chen sighs and hands him the cup with the awful concoction he has made him drink every morning since he arrived.

“How long do you want to keep him in the dark? With so many people around him already knowing, don’t you think it will come out sooner or later?”

Mei Changsu quickly turns his eyes away, but he can’t fool his old friend.

“Oh, so it already did,” he says with unholy glee in his voice, because he’s an absolute prick. “I assume that’s why you‘ve been avoiding him.”

I have struggled with my word-making since I came back from vacation. After spending a lot of time with my Disguiser series, I'm back writing Nirvana in Fire. More precisely, the sequel to Return of the Cicada.

After lots of rewatching and wrestling with the Yeti-storyline, I decided to... mostly ignore that. XD I also decided to dive into Mei Changsu/Lin Shu's POV, and that linear story-telling is for the weak. So this is a little snippet of him when he was still recovering from Mei Ling.

Tears were streaming down Lin Shu’s face, burning his raw skin. His eyes open wide and frantically searching the darkened room, he tried to push himself up but his body felt like it was carved from stone. A living statue, barely able to move his head.

“Jia!” His tongue was a thick lump in his mouth, nearly choking him, but he tried to force the name out. He had to know—

“No. Not that one,” a tired voice came from his left.

“Jia—”

Light steps drew closer, and he was pushed back into the pillows by gentle hands that Lin Shu had no strength to resist. As weak as a newborn, as the man liked to remind him. He remembered now. Remembered the prison he was in, with only the man and the pain as his companion.

The man sighed. “He’s fine,” he said, pulling up the blankets around Lin Shu before he added quietly, “Or, well, alive at least.”

So I have mostly been writing porn this week, and I'm actually not sure if I ever had so much fun doing that. It really feels like The Disguiser is simply made to inspire porn lol. In what might become a whole series, this is a prequel to No Secret Between Us, my first story exploring the epic, angsty romance of super spies and sort of adopted brothers Ming Lou and Ah Cheng. The prequel is set before canon.

The (English) fandom mostly consists of people I've been tempting on my twitter list, but really, if you haven't watched it yet, give it a try. If just for these two as-good-as-married assholes looking amazing in suits and communicating by looking deeply into each other's eyes.

And now a snippet:

Ah Cheng has beautiful hands, which is something Ming Lou had never realized until now, and it‘s a testament to how hopelessly unprepared Ming Lou has been to all of this, that even this far in, the sharp bolt of desire at the sight of his brother opening his trousers hits him like a wrecking ball.

Ah Cheng slowly drags down his underwear then, and those long fingers wrap around Ming Lou’s hard length to give him a few experimental strokes. But it’s only when Ah Cheng gazes up at him, his dark eyes unafraid and curious, that Ming Lou realizes with absolute clarity that this will ruin him.

He runs his hand through Ah Cheng‘s hair, messing it up even further, and knows that he might have made a mistake, but he can’t regret it. He grabs a fistful of that hair and roughly pulls Ah Cheng's head back, exposing his throat, and Ah Cheng lets him. Let’s Ming Lou handle him, his eyes so full of trust, it’s almost shocking. But it helps Ming Lou to remember what’s at stake. That this is his little brother, and it’s Ming Lou’s responsibility to protect him. Ming Lou will be his shifu, but he can’t take anything more from Ah Cheng, and he can never hurt him.

Tenderness settles in Ming Lou’s heart. He strokes Ah Cheng’s face, along his brow and cheek, and finally rubs the pad of his thumb over Ah Cheng's bottom lip, gently pushing against it.

“Such a pretty mouth,” he murmurs, sliding his thumb in. “Why don’t you show me what you can do with it?”

Ah Cheng looks at him. His eyebrows lift, and the corner of his mouth pulls up into a wicked grin, and then he curls his tongue around Ming Lou’s thumb and sucks him in deep.

Today I finally posted my first "Nirvana in Fire" story. I really needed some emotional catharsis after watching the drama, which I binged in a week and which left me with some sort of Stockholm Syndrome. I love ~~and hate~~ it so much, but I had so many needs that just were not fulfilled in the end, and so it didn't take long until I couldn't resist. Jingyan needed some goddamn hugs, and I was gonna provide them. So this fic was born. Working title: For Hug's Sake!

Return of the Cicada
Pairing: Lín Shū | Méi Chángsū | Sū Zhé/Xiāo Jǐngyǎn
Wordcount: 6741
Rating: Teen
Tags: Canon Divergence, Jingyan Finds Out, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, UST, Snark, ALL THE HUGS, Feelings, Friends to Lovers

Summary:
For thirteen years, Jingyan has locked his emotions deep in his heart and carried them with him like shards of a life broken beyond repair. But when Mei Changsu arrived in Liang, slowly but mercilessly, hope clawed its way back into his soul. Maybe Jingyan's crazy, but after the battle at Mount Jiu An is won, he's more certain than ever that his suspicions are true, and he realizes there's only one way to look behind Mei Changsu's mask: to rip it off.

Set between episodes 44 and 45.

Of course, that wasn't going to be enough in the end. And now I'm writing a whole fix-it triology, because of course I do.

So that's where your Sunday Six come in:

“Do you always have to act like a water buffalo—?”

“I might be a water buffalo, but at least I’m not a coward!”

“Coward? I’m asking you to let me go—”

“Yes. You’re asking me to let you go, so that you can die the death of a hero instead of staying by my side in the role of a strategist where you’ll actually be useful. Where I need you to rule this country you have foisted on me. But that would be too much to ask, wouldn't it? To swallow your pride and get over yourself?”

So I posted a thing this week. Pretty much, I wrote the fic I wanted to read but couldn't find after finishing The Disguiser and then discovered that some lovely enablers on twitter felt the same.

No Secret Between Us
Fandom: 伪装者 | The Disguiser (TV)
Pairing: Ah Cheng/Ming Lou
Wordcount: 3.2k
Rating: Explicit
Tags: Canon Compliant, Adopted Brothers, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Porn with Feelings Communicating Through Sex
Summary:
He sinks to his knees in the space between Ah Cheng’s thighs, spreads his hands over the hard muscle there and lets his head drop forward against the taut line of Ah Cheng’s stomach. “Let me suck you,” he asks quietly, lips brushing against his brother’s warm body stretched out beneath him. “Please.”

Ah Cheng always does what Ming Lou needs him to do, but what Ming Lou needs him to do the most is to stay alive.

And that should have been the end of it. All good, right? Time to move on. Only apparently, I've been bitten by a bug and now I'm planning a prequel and writing a sequel, and this is where this weeks Sunday Six come from:

He strikes Ming Lou’s bottom again without mercy. Sees that his brother is shaking now, tears in his eyes.

“You’re almost done,” Ah Cheng reassures him, his throat tight. “Just one more. You can take one more, right? For me?””

A tale of a story growing into all kinds of directions, including flashbacks apparently. Or what happens when you try to develop character background and end up writing origin fic(lets).

“Jingyan,” he said with uncharacteristic hesitancy. “Have you ever kissed anyone?”

“What?” Jingyan laughed awkwardly. “No, of course not. Who would I have kissed?”

When Xiao Shu didn’t answer, Jingyan rolled over, propping himself up on one elbow as he stared at his friend through narrowed eyes. “Wait. Did you kiss someone? Nihuang?” He didn’t quite know why this seemed so outrageous. Xiao Shu had been betrothed to her ever since they were children, but— “You kissed Nihuang?”

Xiao Shu shrugged. “She kissed me actually,” he said, sounding just a little smug.

Jingyan didn’t know what to say. His cheeks felt hot, and his guts were twisting. “How was it?” he asked quietly.

Xiao Shu’s dark eyes found his. “Would you like to find out?”

Also, this is at 5.3k now. Anyone willing to bet I can finish it under 10k?

This is another little snippet from my Nirvan in Fire fic (don't hold me to the six, my sentences are short. It's a style thing...). The sole mission of this fic was to get Jingyan a hug. Well, that's how it started. It might turn into the whole "Have-them-acknowledge-their-feelings" and also "Fix-it" and possibly throw in a happy ending, because why wouldn't you bend the universe towards justice if you have the power to do so? The first 4k have gone through beta, and thankfully

asya_ana has assured me it's not completely whackadoodle OOC, which is a relief because MCS is a damn bastard to write.

“You know, it’s quite strange,“ Jingyan said with an impassive face, but his tone hard. “I never told Nihuang about the hidden path on the Northern slope. And neither did you. It was supposed to be our secret.” He paused. “I kept it.“

Mei Changsu didn’t react, but it was that non-reaction that Jingyan realized was Xiao Shu’s biggest giveaway.

“Do you find me silly, to have cherished your memory as I have?” Jingyan pressed on. “To keep your bow. Your favourite books. To hold on to every little piece of you like a secret treasure?”

I had not planned to watch Nirvana in Fire. When I finally did, I didn't think I would get fannish over it. When I finally couldn't deny my Wang Kai obsession any longer, I was STILL NOT GOING TO WRITE FIC!! Well, joke's on me.

Jingyan closed his eyes and let the familiar pain cut through him, sharper than any enemy’s blade on the battlefield. Thirteen years had passed, but Jingyan still felt as if it had been yesterday that he was told that the brother he had looked up to was a traitor, that the Chiyan Army was no more, and the boy Jingyan had loved since early childhood was dead, without honor, his body left to rot on the icy fields of Meiling. It was like being ripped apart, skin and tendons and flesh, until his heart lay exposed, withering in the sun. Thirteen years ago, the anguish and rage had completely consumed him, and it was a small wonder that he‘d only been sent away—as far as was possible without calling it exile—where he had learned to lock his emotions away in his heart and carry them with him like shards of a life broken beyond repair.

The most perfidious of emotions, though, was hope. Hope, where none was to be had, was a bitter poison, and Jingyan had thought he had rid himself off it. But then Mei Changsu had arrived in Liang and, slowly but mercilessly, hope had clawed its way back into his soul.

I need more time to write. Why is work? Why is social obligations? Why is sleep even necessary?

But I got another chapter of A Heart Unmasked posted this week and am now writing on the next one. So you'll get a little sneak peek of that once more...

Shen Wei realized he might only have a few more moments. As he pulled back from Zhao Yunlan, he desperately drank in the sight of him, as if that way he could preserve every last detail in his heart. The determination in the jut of Zhao Yunlan's chin. The intensity of his dark eyes that had seen behind Shen Wei’s mask long before he took it off him, and the tenderness of his mouth which had captivated him and saved him in more ways than he could say.

At last, Shen Wei leaned in and brushed his lips against Zhao Yunlan’s. It was probably the last kiss they’d ever share, and he wished he could savour it, but there was no time for that.

After a break from updating A Heart Unmasked this week, I'm now finishing up the next chapter, so hopefully that should be ready to go by Friday. Since I don't want to spoil too much for that, this weeks Sunday Six are something I'm toying with for my next project. I have too many damn ideas, but this is one of my favourites:

Zhao Yunlan had always been the first to inform anyone who’d listen that he didn’t believe in ghosts. Well, that had been then. Because, if his shiny and fully stocked fridge was anything to go by, it was--as they said--a whole new world now. Zhao Yunlan might have been a stubborn man, but he wasn’t someone to ignore clear evidence. Like the whole drawer full of folded socks he’d discovered in his bedroom yesterday.

So as silly as he knew he must look when he burst into the SID on a Monday morning with a travel mug full of freshly brewed and absolutely delicious coffee, he felt only the deepest conviction as he exclaimed to anyone who could hear, “I swear my fucking apartment is haunted!”

Now that the Guardian 520 Reverse Exchange has posted, I'm really happy to set my own fic free, after sitting on it for a while. I've been wanting to write Shen Wei with a kid ever since I saw Zhu Yilong's PhantaCity performance, and this fest and my lovely prompter

goss gave me the perfect opportunity. So here it is:

A Demon-Friendly Guide to Happiness
Pairing: Shěn Wēi/Zhào Yúnlán
Rating: Mature
Summary: Shen Wei is a demon exasperated by humans, until he accidentally acquires a human child and turns to Officer Zhao Yunlan for guidance. Zhao Yunlan meanwhile has no idea that he has the hots for a demon.

I've also was so lucky to receive the most amazing and long fic with such a perfect fucked-up-but-trying Shen Wei, he stole my heart (once more):

To fall but in your arms written by

naye

I'm not going to lie, I'm completely overwhelmed from all the fic and art, I don't know where to start. I'm a slow reader; I need time to process stuff, but I hope to get to all of it eventually. It's really amazing to see all this enthusiasm. I'm in love with this fandom. <3

Last week's Sunday Six were from a fic that has since been posted:

Sleep, Sugar...
Pairing: Shěn Wēi/Zhào Yúnlán
Rating: Explicit, NSFW header.
Summary: Shen Wei loves to watch Zhao Yunlan sleep, but after the latest scare that put Zhao Yunlan's life in danger, watching is no longer enough.

As for today, you get a sneak peek from my WIP: A Heart Unmasked

There was a knee in his back and a hand tearing at his hair, holding his head down with his cheek against the floor. He couldn’t see what was happening, but could hear Zhao Yunlan cursing and someone ordering his hands to be chained.

“If you harm him, I will end you,” Shen Wei growled, and for a moment there was a pause, as if the men around him hesitated, but then another voice spoke up.

“Take him to the Lord. You have your orders.”

Ye Zun.

Fair warning: I'll probably take a pause from posting next week, since I doubt people will have digested all the 520 fic that goes live tomorrow until then. I have my own ~ 16 k fic to release into the wild, and I'm so exited!!

My problem right now is that I wan to write ALL THE THINGS. So this one is just be something short (Yes, REALLY!!) and porny, I've been fiddling with today:

It was something that seemed to greatly amuse Zhao Yunlan: the fact that Shen Wei would lose all inhibitions in bed with him but became a blushing, stuttering mess when being asked about it at the dinner table.

“You don’t have to do anything,” Zhao Yunlan said with a knowing smile. “But I want you to know that you can, and that I’d like it. Love it, actually. Just so you know.”

He’d popped a piece of pork into his mouth, chewing happily with a devious glint in his eyes, and then changed the topic to something completely mundane.

So, I've decided to use my journal a little more, and this seems to be a good way doing that. Just a little something I've been writing on the side, that's not my WIP and not my 520 exchange fic...

The bathroom is only three stalls, all empty. The door closes behind Zhu Yilong, and Bai Yu is suddenly determined to see this through. He tells himself that he’s fine either way (he’s not), but he can’t keep coming back to that edge again and again and back off from jumping.

He reaches for the lock, but a hand on his stops him, turns him, and then his back is pressed against the door, and Long-ge’s right there, in his space, closer than they’ve been an a very long time.

“You can’t lock it. It’s too suspicious.”

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Recent Entries

Five fics and Sunday Six for a Sixth One

Rec: My favourites from the NiF Exchange so far

Sunday Snippet - Because AUs are awesome

Sunday Six and other musing - Dragonfly in Amber (NiF)

Sunday Six - Line, Hook(er), Sinker

Sunday Six - All right, yes, she's writing hooker fic...

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Sunday Six - and the Porn that Nearly Got Me Arrested

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Sunday Six - toying with a new idea

My 520 Exchange fic - as a gifter and a giftee

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